No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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