she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
