I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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