Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
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