TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
