Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
i've created a new STD.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
