i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
