Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
