ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
