does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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