jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
