Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
