so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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