I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
