my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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