So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
