Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
We have so much sex to catch up on
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
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