Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
She swung at the pinata with crutches
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
