Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
