Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
