New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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