I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
