Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Found the puke drawer
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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