I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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