now i know why i became what i already was.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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