You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
