Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
