Nicole vs. Life
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
