bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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