Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
