Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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