when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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