Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Randomize
