Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
