Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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