Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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