You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
