that's an acceptable place to lick
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
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Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
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And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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