So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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