May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
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