why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
