She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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