she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
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