these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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