PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
