careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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