Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
