Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
