Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
we're chasing vodka with high fives
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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