Christians are straight up FREAKS
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
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