I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
