i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
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