you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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