FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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