You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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