laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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