You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
