Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
