I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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