I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
