woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
