I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
