Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize