Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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