That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.