the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick