dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it