Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.