if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.