my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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