I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!