This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out