some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
