im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
The air was thick with penises
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Randomize
