the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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