youre lurking in front of me
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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